Juliea Paige CD(DONA) does "Mommy Talk" on the issue of Breastfeeding in Public:
Breastfeeding. What's the big deal? We're just trying to feed our babies, right? Even though I know that this is a hot button issue for a lot of people, I still don't get it. Motherhood is the single most important job on this planet - so, why would anyone want to make a mothers job more difficult just to make THEM more comfortable? I've spent a lot of time this summer addressing this issue in hopes of progressing my community into a more breastfeeding friendly culture for new and future mothers to enjoy.
Through this experience I have learned that this is NOT a difficult issue to understand. It usually takes about 5 to 10 minutes in a conversation with someone (face to face) to make them understand where we are coming from and why this issue is important fr each member of our community. So, I am addressing some of the common questions posed by people who take issue with nursing in public:
"Why do they have to do it in public?"
The answer to this question is really quite simple. Moms need to feed their babies in public because their baby got hungry while they were in public. Mothers do not nurse in public to try and expose themselves & they do not do it to make you uncomfortable - they do it because a fed baby is a happy baby. Just as much as you probably don't want to hear her baby freak out, trust me - she doesn't either. Besides, letting her baby scream could cause some major leakage for a lot of mothers, so which is the better scene - a mom sitting silently, nursing her baby - or a mother with a soaked shirt and a screaming child?
Moms have lives, too. Even if a mother did only the bare minimum there is still 2, 4, 6+ week check ups at the doctor for her and her baby, often times she is the one responsible for getting groceries for the home, etc. What we should be asking is - why should she have to stay home?? To make you more comfortable? How fair is that?? Are you more important than her baby?
There is never a time in our lives where it is more important to care for ourselves as well - both physically and mentally. Making a woman feel like she must stay home or else she may be made to feel uncomfortable or rejected by her community if her baby gets hungry is plain wrong. We've GOT to move on from this way of thinking because it is hurting mothers and babies.
"Can't they just pump and feed the baby with a bottle while they are out?"
No. Well, yes....if she WANTS to, she could do that. But - it's unrealistic and a LOT of extra things that you are asking this mother to deal with that she would not otherwise have to. This is what that would entail:
- Mom pumps milk at home (10-30 Minutes)
- Gets baby ready, packs all diapering supplies, change of clothes & blanket, clean bottles, nipples, bag of breast milk in a cooler with an ice pack so it doesn't go bad. She also has to pack up her pump because she must empty her breasts in order to a.) be comfortable and b.) keep up her milk supply for her baby. (15 minutes)
- Put the baby in car/travel
- Baby gets hungry
- Mom gets the bottle out and bag of breast milk. Needs to find a way to get the milk to temperature so the baby will drink it. Baby is crying now. (5-8 minutes)
- Mom finds a restroom with hot enough water to warm the milk. She puts the milk in the bottle. Baby is screaming. (8-10 minutes)
- She takes her now desperately hungry baby to a seat to give her a bottle...but the baby is so upset she wont take it. (who knows how long this could take...)
- Mom still needs to find a place to pump because her breasts are swollen and in pain in response to her baby's hunger cries - and because she must pump when her baby eats if she wants to keep up her supply. (10 - 40 minutes or more)
This is what it looks like for a nursing mother:
- Mom gets baby ready, packs up diapering supplies, change of clothes and a blankie.
- Put the baby in the car/travel
- Baby gets hungry
- Mom holds baby and nurses her before she starts crying from hunger.
By asking a woman to pump and feed her baby from a bottle in public is literally tripling her work load.
"What about the children?"
When children, especially - but not exclusively - girls, see women breastfeeding it becomes normal very easily. Children can comprehend very easily that we feed our babies from our breasts. They don't see breasts as sexual yet, YOU do. When a child asks "what is that baby doing?" the simple and very easy response is "She is breastfeeding the baby. Some baby's drink milk from their Mommy's instead of a bottle. Isn't that interesting?" Simple. Kids get it. It's actually the perfect opportunity to normalize breastfeeding for a child for the rest of their lives. When you treat it like no big deal, they will, too. On the same note - if you treat it like it is disgusting and inappropriate - you will also give them that (incorrect) impression to carry around with them through their lives.
Children who are exposed to breastfeeding as a normal human function (which is exactly what it is) are far more likely to breastfeed as adult or support and encourage their partner to breastfeed. Hiding breastfeeding from children is a disservice to them.
"Can I look?"
I believe that a lot of this discomfort with breastfeeding is not actually discomfort about breastfeeding. I think it's about the breast. We have sexualized breasts so much in our culture that it is hard not to immediately associate them with sex when we do see them. They are both - and it's OK that they are both. We need to acknowledge that and move forward.
When a woman is breastfeeding she will tell you how comforatble she is with people actually seeing her do it by where she is, if she is covered or uncovered, and her general body language. Personally, I do not cover up and I do not mind at all if people watch me breastfeed. There is still a line that people can cross - if someone is staring or getting too much enjoyment out of it, then I adjust myself for my own comfort level. This is why I love my Nursing Clips because I rarely want to cover, but, the option is there if I feel I need to. If a woman has a cover on, unless you have X-Ray vision or something, you're not going to be able to see anything even if you try. But, obviously, this would be a sign that she does NOT want you to stare at her.
The bottom line is: Look but don't stare. Use your social instincts and behave appropriately.
The Grand Rapids BIG LATCH ON where 57 mothers latched in unison. Can you spot ANY nipple in this photo? I didn't think so....
So, this isn't hard. We can find common ground - and we should. We only have things to gain if we do, but our babies have the most to gain. Breastfeeding IS the best nutrition you can give a baby, and don't they deserve that? Why would anyone want to stand in the way of a mother who wants to do something so selfless and so GOOD for her baby? Breastfeeding prevents many major diseases in children and in mothers. Breast Cancer research gets billions of dollars in support every year - but, no one really talks about how breastfeeding could help prevent this cancer from occurring in the first place. Prevention is key - and breastfeeding is free, available and possible for almost every mother out there. Are we really trying to make this harder for mothers to do - or would it be smarter to encourage and support these mothers and make it easier for future mothers to make the decision to nurse their babies?
Nursing in public is not only something that we should "tolerate", it is something that we should support and even encourage. A nursing mother needs not only the support of her friends and family, but also from her community. Asking a mother not to nurse in public is not only unfair to her, but it's unfair to future generations. We learn by seeing. If women were truly free to nurse their babies in public, our breastfeeding rates would naturally begin to rise. The harder we make it for mothers to be comfortable with breastfeeding, the less they will choose to do it. If you are uncomfortable with breastfeeding, get comfortable. Ask questions. Try to understand.
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